i’m still here…

As you can see I have taken a six-month sabbatical from posting. It has been busy and I have been focusing on my children and new adventures with my family which meant something had to give. I’ve also been thinking a bit about what direction I am taking as a writer and blogger. I figured it was about time I posted an update as well as a little about the changes that are coming.

The children are growing up so fast. My son Tobias is now 16. I am very proud of the young man he has become. Little Kaia will be 7 soon. She has such a kind heart and a big stubborn streak that I think she gets from me her Dad. The time goes by so quickly. My children are part of the reason that I choose to work from home. It’s a luxury and there are sacrifices but it gives me the opportunity to spend more time with them. My Mom was the same. I can’t remember a time where she wasn’t there when I came home from school.

The first change will be in this blog. The plan is to archive Finding My Inner Possible and redirect the domain to where my new WordPress site will live. I’ll keep the archive accessible, of course. Inner Possible started out as a weight loss and fitness journey. While that lifestyle theme is still a big part of my life, there are also many other facets that I want to share with readers. I’ll be self-hosting as well which will give faster load times and even better… no ads! It will cover everything from fitness, camping, and photography to travel, recipes, and knitting. Keep an eye out for an announcement here when the project launches.

I’m not running right now and will need a complete restart. I had an awful winter full of setbacks. Bronchitis. Flu. Pneumonia. Eye infection. Stress. My immunity took a big hit and I gained weight. When I wasn’t sick, I was taking care of someone sick. A few weeks ago, a CT scan revealed bone lesions on my skull. I’m going for a bone scan in just over a week and then I’ll know a bit more about what I am dealing with. Right now I am in “need more information” mode but I’m avoiding Dr. Google and trying to live in the moment until I have some concrete answers. With all that having happened, something had to go on the backburner. It’s all good though. The big thing is that I am not going to beat myself up for any of this. It’s where life is at now is by no means a permanent thing—I’ll be back to running soon enough.

sv azura

As a distraction from the looming unknown, I’ve been writing about our family adventures with a sailboat named Azura. Only our family would purchase a 31-foot yacht without knowing how to sail. Nothing like throwing caution to the wind. I bought sailing lessons for Bryan as a birthday gift and he starts those in a few weeks. Azura was transported during our last snowfall and put in the water a few weeks ago. There were a few hiccups but she’s now at her new home. This weekend I will be sanding and working on the trim. Bryan is rebuilding the hatches, cockpit floor and dorade boxes. Our children are helping but also spending time exploring the parks and trails nearby. On Easter weekend, we had our first meals from the galley. It was quite enjoyable and reminded me of camp cooking in many ways. If you’d like to read more please visit SailingAzura.com.

I’ve been reading Thich Nhat Hanh’s writings. The book I have my nose stuck in right now is called You Are Here. I love the whole concept of being mindful and I’m bringing that into every aspect of my life. I’m also trying to minimize what is in our home. Seriously, I do not need enough camping gear to outfit an entire Scout Troop. The only collection that will remain off limits from being reduced is my yarn stash… there are some things that you just don’t mess with.

Speaking of yarn… knitting has been very therapeutic for me too. I love that it is practical as well as creative. If you are curious about what I’ve had on the needles feel free to browse my ravelry page.

catching up & a cerulean adventure

Goodness me, it has been forever since I’ve posted. This seems to be a recurring theme but as Fall progresses into Winter, I’ll have more time to write.

Summer and early Fall have been amazing. It has been a time to reconnect with my spirit and put the anxieties of last year’s health issues to rest. There have been camping trips and other adventures. I revisited Bruce Peninsula National Park and enjoyed myself immensely. It was quite a contrast to how I felt when we were there in 2015 a few days before I was sent to the emergency room. My son had his first full-time summer job so many of my days off were spent on adventures with my little girl (she’s six). There were trips to the splash pad and the library as well as other excursions. Then he was off to leadership camp at OELC-CASO near Orillia. It was a remarkably busy summer.

The Running Life

Running wasn’t much of a focus this summer for many reasons, including the heat. I did participate in a couple of events with my daughter including the Furry Friends 5K in Burlington and the 5.7K Chase the Coyote at Mono Cliffs Provincial Park. I was so proud of her. I had a great wipeout on the trail at CTC right after I had remarked that I hadn’t fallen on a trail in a long time. My injuries weren’t serious but it did make the costochondritis resurface and that feels incredibly like heart issues (thank goodness it wasn’t). I’m back and rebuilding my run base, albeit slowly. My heart is doing well and much of my lack of running had roots in fear. To push myself through that I’ve committed to a challenge next May at the Whole Health Mudcat Marathon in Dunnville. I’ll be running 5K on the Friday night with my daughter and the half marathon on Saturday morning. My friend Eddie is also running the 5K and it will be his first race so I am totally excited for him.

My Work

I stepped down from my volunteer position as Physical Activity Community Educator for the Grand River Community Health Center to pursue other things. While I loved leading the group walks, I needed to spend more time in other areas of my life. As you may remember, I have tossed around the idea of becoming a personal trainer but it seems I kept getting pulled back to writing. After my story on loss was included in Jean-Paul Bedard’s Running into Yourself, I realized that I need to continue writing. Simply put, being a writer is an integral part of who I am and my story has the power to help people so I’ve started writing it. I will be sharing some news surrounding that soon enough… as soon as I am finished my current manuscript.

A Cerulean Adventure

I’ve always dreamed of sailing and, much to my surprise, so has Bryan. He has been looking at vintage sailboats for quite some time. When he finally approached me about buying one, he was equally shocked that this was something I would consider. We looked at several more sailboats together but most needed extensive restoration. We saw everything from stripped and destroyed interiors to overflowing bilges and deck delamination. Pretty much every vessel was a sloop and I suggested that perhaps we consider a ketch. I quite prefer the style of a classic ketch anyway. Bryan wasn’t so easily convinced but he decided to look at a few. One caught our eye—a Classic 31 Grampian from 1967.

the Azura

We went to check out the sailboat which was up on Lake Simcoe. To make a long story short, we are now the proud owners of the Azura. We’ve decided to keep her name because it suits her and I’m all about how her name is a play on those gorgeous cerulean blues of the sky and water. She has been outfitted for ocean travel and has been to the Bahamas or BVIs on more than one occasion. For now Azura will stay on the hard at Lake Simcoe and in Spring she will be transported overland to Port Dalhousie for the 2017 sailing season. We aren’t sure that this will be a permanent home but the people there were very welcoming. We’ve already met a man named Vic—he’s a seasoned sailor who is quite the character and is going to be our port side neighbour. There is a gorgeous trail not too far from the pier where I can do my long runs along the lakeshore before we set sail on Saturday mornings. Toronto is directly across the water and about a 4-hour sail depending on conditions so I am sure there will be loads of exploring. We had considered docking somewhere along the shores of Georgian Bay but we’d rather spend the time sailing instead of driving. Perhaps in a few years we will consider a spot near Midland. My daughter already wants to plan “sleepovers with Mommy” on the Azura and she has nicknamed her “The Leaky Beak” in Neverland Pirate style. Too funny.

I want to thank Shaun & Julia Sailing, Joshua Scudds, and Nina at Port Dalhousie Pier Marina for taking the time to answer so many of our questions.

Life is short… go out and embrace it! B(e) Positive!

summer vibes

Wow! My blog certainly has been idle for a long while. I took a hiatus for several months to do other things including to spend more time with my family. I’ve been staying active and trying my hand at gardening (again). I’ve been knitting and reading as time allows… sometimes I like to be a bit of an introvert and that seemed to be a theme this year as I worked through the frustrating feelings the health battles of last year left me with. Here is a synopsis of what has been happening in my life.

The Centre of My World

My children are doing well. I’m happy for summer break and a reduction in the amount of school-borne illnesses. It was a rough Spring with cold after cold that would spread to everyone in the house. I nicknamed it the “kindergarten crud”. My daughter is really excited about being a big girl going into the first grade. She’s working on reading by herself and learning to ride a two-wheeler without training wheels. I’m keeping the first aid kit well stocked for knee scrapes. Miss K. is somewhat competitive with her big brother so she shows great determination but the balance of riding the bike is a work in progress. Speaking of her brother, my son is turning out to be such an amazing young man. This is the Mom Brag warning. Now where was I? Oh yes, TC  is on the Minister’s Student Advisory Council for 2016/2017 and will attend the Ontario Leadership Education Centre this summer. This is his second term. He has also landed his first full time summer job and it’s a fun one. He is working for the school board as a day-camp counsellor. Seeing him leave for his first day last week was akin to putting him on the school bus that first morning 11 years ago. There may have been a few tears. I’m so proud of how he has taken such initiative. There are times though, that I miss my chubby-cheeked little boy.

A Slow Progression Into a New Career – Maybe

My last post was about my training to be a Physical Activity Community Educator (PACE) with the Grand River Community Health Centre. Training went well and I am into my fourth month of leading fitness walks each week. I’m also doing some one-on-one mentoring which I feel is an important support for people. I’m finding that I am getting as much out of this experience as the people I am working with. It’s very inspiring seeing the enthusiasm at the start of someone’s journey. This is also a great way to get me out of my office and into the community in a meaningful way. Sadly I have to step back for the month of August but I hope to be back at it in September.

Outside of the initial training for PACE I’ve taken a few courses on my own such as fundamental movement skills, physical activity in the heat, and concussion awareness. Currently I’m studying a 4-week course called Physiotherapy, Exercise & Physical Activity. I’m tossing around the idea of taking college courses to become a personal trainer or fitness coach – maybe. Or perhaps there is another book in my future? I’m still not entirely sure which direction I want to take with this. I feel that with my own journey I have much that I could bring to whatever I eventually decide to do… after all, I know how much dedication it takes to change your life.

Tent Time

Camping is on the summer agenda of course and I’m excited about that. We had to adjust plans to suit the boy having a job but it is all working out well. I’ve decided to pitch my tent at the same place where my heart problems started last August… Bruce Peninsula National Park. I’m considering the trip a bit of a restart. I promise to post some photos and a trip summary when we return. I bought a new camera as I broke mine at the same spot last year so I’m going to play around with that a little. And a dear friend and her family will be coming from Ottawa to camp with us. We met through running and get along quite well. I haven’t seen her in person since September and it is going to be a great adventure.

My Running Life

I ran two events this year. The first was the Oakville Mercedes 10K at the end of April. I chose to drop down to the 5K distance and walked more of the course than I expected to. It was great to be back at a start line though. There is just something wonderful about the race day vibe. The second was the 5K run at the Ride for Heart in Toronto. I was an ambassador for the Heart & Stroke Foundation so I got the VIP treatment. Here are the details.

I ran in memory of Chuck Orosz and Bill Langman.  Chuck was a friend of ours who passed away suddenly from a heart attack last summer. I missed his memorial service because of my own heart issues so I wanted to do this as a way to honor him. Bill was my Daddy. He died of a heart attack when I was a teenager and I miss him terribly.

Thankfully the rain held off and it was muggy but with a nice breeze. I ran some of the course and I went out really strong but I also walked a lot more than I had anticipated. I’d been dealing with all sorts of issues as I tried to rebuild my base so I knew that I wasn’t going with any sort of a running base. A few weeks before the event a lovely friend said to me that the victory lies in being alive to enjoy the start line, so I carried that thought throughout the race. During my extended walk breaks I took the time to talk to others walking about why they were running or walking this event. Some of the stories were incredible. One lady had emigrated from Israel and her family history of heart disease was so bad that two of her brothers became cardiologists. Another group was doing the event under the name Team Carol because their friend passed away from a sudden heart attack last year. With each story I realized what a gift it was that I could participate in the event and how being an ambassador for the race helped me through a very difficult time in my life. I ran most during the last kilometre where I encouraged a woman who was struggling so that she could cross the finish line as strong as possible. A few hundred metres before I parted ways with her and ran to the finish line.

Even though there were some things about this event that could be improved, this race reminded me about one of the things I love most about the running community and that is the way we support one another. Oh and being in the first group of runners to ever do a race on Toronto’s Gardiner Expressway was cool too.

Speaking of running, Bryan, the kids and I are participating in Chase the Coyote this coming Fall. It’s a trail race that has three distances. Bryan is running the 14.4K and the rest of us are running the short course which is 5.7K. Miss K is merely six years old so this will be a good distance for her. She’s quite exuberant about running so it will be fun to train with her. We are still undecided about which of us she’ll run with at the event but she seems to be leaning towards getting her brother to be her sidekick.

Well that’s all for now. I’ll be posting some gear reviews and other ramblings over the coming weeks as I start my return to regular writing.

Life is short… go out and embrace it! B(e) Positive!

PACE

As usual it has been a bit hectic so I’ve been spending more time away from social media. There is the usual Mom business in the height of cold & flu season and I am back in the swing of training for my Spring running events.  I’ve been playing around with a Polar M400 and an in-depth review will be coming up. I’m still working on the manuscript for my third book and hope to finish it in the next month or so. On top of all of this I’m in career transition mode.

Quite some time ago I decided to close the doors on the web and graphic design business. I’d been designing since 1994 and, while I was very talented and the income was great, it had become something I wasn’t super-passionate about. Then, when I became a published author I realized that I needed to put my energies into work I am passionate about… work that I enjoy. Writing books and articles, as you have probably surmised, is something I love and will continue to do, however, I find I am being drawn in an interesting direction. It seems the more I fight it, the more the universe seems to be conspiring to make it happen.

You are likely wondering when I am going to get to the point of explaining how the title of this post, PACE, relates to my ramblings above.

Yesterday was the perfect day to walk to a meeting. Even if I knew how to drive, taking the car a half kilometre would be a waste of a beautiful morning walk.

I am now in training to be a Physical Activity Community Educator (PACE) for a local community health centre. This is a volunteer position that will allow me the opportunity to help others adopt a healthier lifestyle with one-on-one mentoring, leading group activity programs, helping create a physical activity library, motivational talks, and leading workshops.

Part of the reason I moving forward with this is to give back to my community and help others. I’ve always appreciated being able to make a positive impact in people’s’ lives. There are also personal and professional growth components to this. Helping others will keep me motivated and accountable, plus I have been tossing around the idea of doing more career-wise in this field. This is a wonderful chance to get my feet wet.

I’ve looked at several options including becoming a registered dietitian, fitness coach, or personal trainer. I’m not prepared, at this stage in my life, to take a four year BaSC so I am leaning strongly towards the personal trainer side of things once I surpass a few more milestones. While there is a lot of competition for positions, I do have a unique perspective that could set me apart. I’d love to work with diabetics in a training environment. I’m not there yet but it seems that I am constantly being pulled in this direction for a reason.

I have much to think about but in the meantime I’m going to enjoy helping people in my community learn that they can do things they never thought possible.

run free

Remember back in November I posted that I accepted the role as Run Ambassador for the Heart & Stroke Foundation’s first Run/Walk at the Ride for Heart? I mentioned that I’d have a discount code for those of you who want to run along the Gardiner Expressway in Toronto. Well, I have something even better…

TOMORROW is FREE registration day for Ride for Heart’s first ever Run/Walk!

Tomorrow only, the registration fee will be waived. For more information please visit Ride for Heart.

The event is on June 5th, 2016. I am a survivor and my goal is to run the 10K distance but there is also a 5K run and walk. I hope that you will join me to help raise awareness and research funds for a disease that affects so many.

hello 2016

2015 was a rather eventful year that held many wonderful moments along with struggle and sadness. With the roller coaster ride I have learned much about myself. I am resilient. I overcome obstacles. I am a survivor. And, I am grateful for all of it. Even though I leave 2015 behind, I carry with me joyful memories of time spent with people I love and wisdom garnered from making it through difficult times.

Resolutions are something I really don’t prescribe to, but you knew that.  Of course I do have a bit of a plan for the year. Last year my life took some turns that got in the way so I didn’t reach some most of my milestones. Some of my plans from 2015 will be left behind perhaps to be revisited at another time and others will be brought forward. In 2016 I will continue living active, embracing motherhood, advocating for my health, listening to my intuition, eating mindfully and having fun.

Fitness wise I am working towards rebuilding my 5K and 10K running base. Right now I’m battling a persistent cough which is irritating because it limits what I can do. My first race is a 5K near the end of April and the second will be the event that I am an ambassador for. It is a 10K Run at the Ride for Heart in Toronto in early June. In training for these two events I will be building towards the 21.1K distance again and perhaps even running a half marathon in the autumn. I keep a list of events I am registered for, or contemplating, here on my blog.

Out with the old and in with the new! All this talk about running and I am reminded that I need new running shoes. My current pair has about 780K on them. I noticed on my last runs that left arch is letting me know that it’s high time to replace my beloved Asics. I might need two pair this year if everything goes well. I plan to run quite a bit.

I haven’t been to the gym consistently in a while because of my heart and now this blasted cough so I’ll be heading back there soon enough. I love to hop on the bike, lift, and swim to cross train. I was determined that I wasn’t going to like the gym but I actually do. Go figure. I’m well over a year into my membership though and I still haven’t taken a class. I might have to try that out especially seeing as Movati has a wonderful new yoga studio. I like to think of it as my “Mommy Time Out”. The gym days usually mean some social time with my friend Carla who’s company I quite enjoy. She tends to be my adultier adult.

When the trails are open for cycling again, I’m hoping to get out on some longer rides with friends (this means you Jenha) and family. I love my bike. In the meantime, I’d love to see some decent snow on those trails so that I might snowshoe. Yoga is something I love practicing too and I let that slide when I was dealing with the severe bruising on my leg after my heart procedure. It’s something my wee girl and I love to do together. I also stopped the little plank and wall-sit streak I was doing alongside my son. The health issues certainly interrupted the fun I was having so time to get back to business.

Speaking of health, I’m still keeping close tabs on blood sugar and blood pressure levels in order to keep diabetic retinopathy halted in its tracks. While not to the proliferative stages, it has been worsening and was quite severe at my last visit. I see the specialist tomorrow and will go from there.

I adore being a Mom and I am blessed to be able to work from home which makes balancing motherhood with career a little bit easier. I’ll be volunteering at my daughter’s school a little bit and will continue to walk her back and forth to kindergarten each day. Hopefully her brother will join us from time-to-time. The trend our family started in 2015 was to have more unplugged times when the weather is too miserable for outdoor activity and that includes playing games, crafts, and, my favourite, colouring. It’s all about connecting to one another rather than the internet. That will continue this year.

When it comes to what’s going on with my work 2016 is going to be an interesting. Professional growth is the theme here. I’m close to being finished with the manuscript for that third cookbook. It has taken so long and there has been one hiccup after another but I’m plugging away. I was stuck for a bit and loathing the process. Think of my being at the point equivalent to the 35K mark of a marathon. Once a book is turned in I’m usually ready to jump into the next one—I hope to be sharing a proposal and discussing contracts by October.  I’ve also been seeking more assignments as a freelance writer and I will be studying towards earning the Editors’ Association of Canada’s various professional certifications.

Creativity is going to be back in the forefront this year. Yesterday I replaced my beloved camera that ceased working at Cyprus Lake last summer. I chose what is referred to as a bridge camera because it is weather resistant and that will be useful on our rainy camping trips.. I’ll be hacking around with that as well as my usual pursuits such as drawing, knitting, sewing, and reading.  It’s part of my plan to create bonding experiences with the children and Bryan plus redirect stress.

At the end of 2015 I started purging the contents of drawers, closets, toy boxes, cupboards, my office cabinets, the basement, and the pantry. Bryan started doing the same with the shed and backyard just before Christmas. I want to continue along those lines and get rid of the clutter. There are still unpacked boxes in the basement from our move in 2007 so it’s high time to see what has been forgotten in the cellar of this old place.

Bryan, the children, and I have yet to have a good discussion about our plans for vacation time. There has been the odd mention of another bike-packing trip in Quebec or some wilderness canoe tripping. I’d love to backpack again but my little girl can’t put in the kilometres for more than a day hike just yet. At the dinner table on New Year’s Eve we were chatting about what we did last summer and mentioned another visit to Santa’s Village. Our five year old piped up and said “I want to go to Cyprus again! Can we go there first?” So perhaps we will do that. Whatever we decide, there will be tent time.

And… I may just learn to drive a car this year.

Basically my year is a relatively blank and open book. Whatever 2016 brings me there is one thing I do know… it will be a year filled with gratitude, happiness, and love. I wish the same for you.

Happy New Year!

don’t make a resolution… make yourself

Soon we will celebrate the beginning of 2016. There is a sense of renewal that comes with the dawning of a new year and and it’s tempting to resolve to make great changes especially when caught up in the energy of it all. Waiting in the wings, there is a multi-billion dollar diet industry that thrives on our want to better ourselves. Fad diets, quick-fix plans, and all the other tricks in the business of weight loss are designed to garner profits and create repeat customers. January is by far the most profitable time for such companies and one only has to look at this week’s sales flyers to see the plethora of offerings related to the business of New Year’s resolutions.

However, there is a saying… “Don’t make a resolution… make yourself!”

I stopped making New Year’s resolutions especially when it came to losing weight. I’ve always felt that this yearly tradition is a setup up for failure. For example, back in the days when I was morbidly obese I’d resolve that a certain year was going to be the one where I’d lose all of my weight. I’d start out strong with the latest diet plan that guaranteed success. More often than not the plan was flawed and the task was too daunting. By mid-February my umph was gone and I’d give up because it was just too hard. I’d hang my towel over the console of the treadmill and walk away. I saw it with many people at the gym this year. The gym was jam-packed during the month of January and a few weeks later crowds started to thin out. By the beginning of February things had died down quite a bit and by the end of February it was back to normal.

Why does this happen? My thoughts are because we choose resolutions that are too specific, too big, and too rigid and in doing so we set ourselves up for failure. Throwing in the towel often happens because the process is difficult or it’s taking too long and frustration wins out. It can become an “all or nothing” scenario. Sometimes it is a matter of pushing too hard, too soon, and burning out rather than making incremental and lasting change. Instead of focusing on how far we’ve come, we look at how much work we still need to do and that puts us in the wrong mindset for success.

The answer is easy… shift the focus. Change is very much a mind game. When I started to look at the days ahead differently, real change began to happen and there was a permanence to it. Instead of the typical New Year’s resolutions I adjusted my perspective and I found the results were amazing. In the process I lost close to 180 pounds and my lifestyle became dramatically different. Here’s what I did…

Rather than resolve to lose a huge amount of weight, I chose a few milestones that I wanted to complete. That first year was to go on backpacking trips and I accomplished that. I was morbidly obese so I knew I’d have to work up to backpacking. I started with short walks, then day hikes, then practice hikes with a pack. Next thing I knew I was hiking the rugged shores of the Bruce Peninsula. The weight was coming off and I felt better than I had in a very long time. Years that followed included activities like canoeing, cycling, bike-packing Le P’tit Train du Nord, running a half marathon, and all sorts of other fun adventures. Some of these milestones didn’t have set timelines but others had dates attached to them because of the need for registration or reservation as well as booking vacation time.

As I prepared for such activities everything else fell into place. I watched nutrition through moderation and mindful eating which helped to fuel my body properly. Not having a specific deadline lowered stress levels. This in turn reduced cortisol and other stress hormones which helped me to lose weight more easily. I trained so that I would be well prepared and not risk injury.

Accountability is a big motivator for me but I find a blanket statement like a that of a resolution just doesn’t cut it. My milestones, whether camping excursions, cycling trips, or running events, are what keep me accountable. Even those times when I’ve had to bail on an event, like this year when my heart had other ideas, I kept the next milestone in the back of my mind and did what I could to work towards that.

In a few days I will share some of my plans for the coming year and I would love to hear what milestones you have in mind for yourself.

farewell to 2015

In a few days 2015 will be drawing to a close. In many ways it was a wonderful year but part of me is glad that it is almost over. Don’t get me wrong, there have been some tremendously special moments even if it was quite the roller coaster ride.

The year started out positively enough with my cardiologist lifting all restrictions and I began to kick things up a few notches at the gym. It was much fun and without the restrictions I was able to work on lifting more weight. I was getting stronger. I would often go with my friend Carla and then we’d go out for tea or on a shopping excursion.

I started to knit more especially seeing that one of my very best friends was expecting. I swore at the beginning of 2015 that I would not end up with a yarn stash bigger than a single Rubbermaid container. My knitting and crocheting friends laughed but I insisted I wasn’t going to stash yarn. Well, I’m close to starting my third container. Oops. We won’t talk about the KnitPicks needle purchases. I managed to finish quite a few practical items including a blanket and hat for my friend’s baby, several winter hats for my daughter, baby washcloths, dishcloths, and a few cowls. I still have a poncho, a left yoga sock, a baby sweater, and another baby blanket to finish. Knitting really helped me get through some of the more difficult moments of the year.

I re-evaluated many relationships and made great change there. There were a few toxic people in my circle that I needed to distance myself from. This has been a recurring theme in my life as I tend to be overly accepting and kind even in instances where I probably shouldn’t be. I also tend to be too forgiving. My life has been much less stressful without the drama. While they may have been lovely people, sometimes that just isn’t enough. When someone is not respectful or honest with me then I am forced to make difficult choices and that meant that I had to put myself first by distancing myself from those who are not mutually supportive. These changes made room to grow relationships with other people where there is a balance between give and take.

I booked quite a few races for 2015 including a half marathon but unfortunately only managed to run at one event. It was painful for me to have to drop out of event after event and let my friends down. I did manage to run and walk at the Long Point Eco-Adventures’ Smugglers Run Trail Race in July. In hindsight, that might not have been such a good idea but at the time I was oblivious to the fact that my body had created scar tissue inside my stent and into my left circumflex artery. Still, the run was fun and memorable.

aerial obstacle course

We took our children to Santa’s Village in Bracebridge, Ontario for four or five days and they had a blast. So did Bryan and I. The guys completed the aerial obstacle course and did the whole ziplining thing at Sportsland. My little girl did her first flips on the trampolines there too. Santa’s Village is included in the camping package and is quite a lot of fun. The Sportsland side isn’t and it can get expensive, however, the adventures great albeit geared to the older kids and kids at heart. Santa came to our campsite a few times and the Elves even dropped off a gift in the middle of the night—it was like Christmas in July. My five-year old daughter was delighted and full of wonder. I think she may have even overfed Dasher. When we weren’t across the street at Santa’s Village, we were in the swimming pool cooling off.

One of the highlights of that trip, for me, was being able to perform a random act of kindness. As we were packing up to leave I took a half bag of wood to a family at a neighbouring campsite. This is something we always do when we are camping. This time around we had some extra Sportsland tickets to pass on as well. A grandmother was sitting at the picnic table while her grandchildren were at the nearby playground with my children. A tear streamed down her cheek as she thanked me over and over again. Then she struggled to her feet and gave me the warmest embrace. Sometimes we receive the best gifts in giving to someone else. You see, Grandma had mobility challenges and a limited income but took every cent she had to do this trip for her grandkids. She was their only guardian and wanted them to have some wonderful summer memories. She went on to mention that, after she paid for the camping package, she’d had only enough money to buy wood for the first night’s campfire and they wouldn’t be able to have a fire all weekend. It was Thursday and now they would have wood for a second night which she would save until Saturday. She was so grateful because she would get her pension on Monday and only then would she be able to buy more wood. I wished her well, told her I was glad that the wood would go to good use, and said goodbye. I spoke with Bryan and we agreed that my son and I would walk up to the office and pay for wood, as well as kindling, to be delivered to her campsite each day anonymously. The owner of the campground, Sarah, was so moved by what we were doing that she covered the cost of half the wood so that the family wouldn’t have to worry about a campfire for the rest of their stay.

A few weeks later, I learned how to shoot a handgun. Our family belongs to a local shooting range where Bryan and Tobias like to target practice with the bows and firearms. Bryan thought it would be a lovely to have a date night at the range. Firearms aren’t really my thing at all but I support his hobbies just like he supports mine. The handgun we were using was a Smith & Wesson M&P 9mm. Bryan was positive that he was going to show me how it was done so he suggested a little friendly competition. I’m pretty sure that he figured it was beginner’s luck at first. By the time the third target sheet was finished he was ready to admit defeat. I’m a pretty good shot. It makes me smile to think that after two decades of marriage I can still get him to look at me with a twinkle of surprise. My arm was pretty sore from the recoil but it was much more fun than I expected.

sunset at Cyprus Lake

Then it was off to Bruce Peninsula National Park, the Grotto and Cyprus Lake. We opted not to go canoeing again this year. While we adore paddling there are other things we want to do as well. Looking back, it was likely a good thing we weren’t in the wilderness this summer. I didn’t feel well on this trip but I thought maybe some of that was because my arm was sore from the adventure at the range and too many late nights. Later I found out it was because of scar tissue in the arteries of my heart which lead to the mild heart attack two days after coming home. Had I come home when this first reared its ugly head, I could have possibly have avoided some of the issues. It is what it is and there is no sense dwelling on how things may have been different. I wouldn’t trade hiking to Indian Head Cove with my son for the world but I should have listened more carefully to my body. Lesson learned.

September came, school started and I had the all-clear to start running again. Bryan headed off to Germany at the beginning of October and I ended up in the hospital again. This time there was an issue in another part of my heart and I had to fight to get the care I needed. A third hospital visit was necessary at the end of October. Thankfully that one turned out to be a mere reaction to a new medication that was prescribed by the hospital a few weeks before.  At the beginning of December I was given the all-clear to start running and going to the gym again.

This year, for me, was not just about physical survival, it was about surviving emotionally too. The loss of my Mom in 2013 returned with another tremendous tidal wave of grief and the heart issues also hit me really hard mentally. This wave of sadness wasn’t just because of missing her and the realisation that I came a little too close to having my own children grieve for me—this summer our friend Chuck passed away. I couldn’t attend his memorial because of my own health so I will be running in his memory for the 10K Run at the Ride for Heart as my way of honouring him. Chuck’s passing is one of the reasons I chose to accept the role of Run Ambassador for the Heart & Stroke Foundation. I am still here and that is a great gift not to be taken for granted.

The rest of the year was the same as any other. Many weeks I was a single parent and that wasn’t without challenges. Fortunately I was able to work from home so that helped tremendously as did my in-laws when I had to be rushed to the hospital. Bryan’s promotion to manager for Canada meant that he was busier but he loved the challenge, so it was all good. He was away a great deal including a second trip to Germany which occurred shortly after the attack in Paris.

It’s a good feeling to be on the threshold of a new year. There is a saying about it being akin to a book with 365 blank pages waiting to be filled with all sorts of wondrous adventures. I love the anticipation and excitement about what is ahead for me.

This year was about i mua (pronouced ee mooh-ah). It is a Hawaiian saying that means to go forward with strength, courage, and strong spirit. That theme will carry on throughout 2016. On Friday I will welcome in the New Year and give you all a glimpse of what is to come.

 

a run for heart

I chose last Saturday for my return to running because it was the anniversary of when I started a Couch to 5K program to train for my first race (2011). It felt amazing to run after being off pretty much since summer, even though the reality is that I have to rebuild my running base from the beginning again. As much as my lacing up again is good news, it isn’t all of the news I have to write about today. In my last post I mentioned that I had something to share about an opportunity to make a difference that is tied in with a Spring Race.

Back in mid-October I wrote a blog entry that illustrated how very important it is for people, especially women, to advocate for health care when it comes to matters of the heart. I often share the link on twitter and, a few days after, I received a direct twitter message from Seanna at Running Well. She told me how moved she was by my experience at the hospital and asked me if I would consider being a Run Ambassador for a new running event being held alongside the Becel Heart & Stroke Ride for Heart on June 5, 2016. It is a Run/Walk along the Gardiner Expressway in downtown Toronto. As far as I know this is the only run to ever be held on this particular street. There are 5K and 10K runs as well as a 5K walk. Even better, it’s a family friendly event.
I didn’t even have to think about it.

YES!

I didn’t take this decision lightly as I have a tough road ahead when it comes to rebuilding my fitness. There are so many positive reasons to take this on that saying “no” was not an option. This run is for an organization that is close to my heart because I am a survivor and because of my family’s history with heart disease. I would love to have my story inspire more people to take the first step and do something to change their lives. While I hope that I have been able to do that already, I’m always game for other opportunities to help people find their fit side. Of course there is that message that my experiences send about the need for all of us to be proactive in our own health care whether that be with heart disease, diabetes, or any other health challenges we face. Running has been such a big part of my healthier life and being able to share that motivates me to keep moving forward.

I will be running the 10K. My goal is to run strong so I’m starting with a 5K program and then I will jump into a 10K program once my 5K base is solid. With the event being in late Spring it gives ample time to do this well.

It is my hope that people will choose to train alongside me using social media. I would love to have you share your efforts with me too because I find it very inspiring. You will find me on twitter and instagram as @innerpossible plus on DailyMile. I will be posting all of the fit things I am doing to work back up to the 10K distance and using the hashtags #RideforHeart, #CreateSurvivors, and #RunforHeart. You may also want to follow @TheHSF on twitter, Instagram, and Periscope.

If you’ve never run before, seriously consider this race as your first event. Running is a wonderful way to get active and events, such as this one, are fun. If you decide to do this, please send me a note. I would love to offer my support and encouragement. If I can do this, you can too!

Registration for the event opens December 3rd, however, I will be sharing a discount code soon. Stay tuned!

i mua

A week ago I completed my Cardiolite Exercise Test at the cardiology lab. My heart rate was a little elevated so I reached the 85% of max a little sooner than I usually do. No worries… it stands to reason after having two interventions in as many months, not to mention running on a 14% incline is nothing to sneeze at.

On the weekend things took an interesting turn. On Halloween I was taken to the ER at Hamilton General with similar symptoms as before when I had a 90% blockage. Let me say that the ER is a very strange and unusual place on Halloween especially when there is a full moon and a time change causing the nurses to have to work 13-hour shifts amidst the craziness. On Sunday I was transferred to the cardiac ward and scheduled for an angiogram to see what was causing symptoms that the doctors believed to be unstable angina. At first I shrugged off the discomfort and figured it was from running so soon after coronary intervention.

This brings us to Monday evening post-angio. There was nothing wrong from a cardiac perspective and anxiety had also been ruled out as well. The two places where I have stents are “widely patent” which in layman’s terms means that they are clear and blood flow is really good. The one bit of scarring that has caused a blockage they can’t do anything about is “well collateralized” which means I have new arteries handling the blood flow. That’s a good thing. So what was causing this pain? It turns out, or so we suspect, that I was experiencing a well-known side-effect to a blood thinning medication called Brilinta (ticagrelor) although there was some differences of opinion between my doctors. I started on this medication three weeks prior by the same doctor who I ended up reporting because he didn’t take my heart condition seriously. This certainly didn’t help my confidence levels that the medicine was the right one for me. On Tuesday morning I discontinued the Brilinta against the wishes of the doctor on the cardiac floor at Hamilton General. Instead I took a loading dose of the blood thinner that I was on up until early October. With that, the pain has completely vanished and I feel better than I have in months.

Once again there were issues with having to be aware of my condition and voice concerns to a doctor from the cardiac ward. He was going to prescribe a medication to help with the symptoms rather than remove the medication that was triggering the issue. The thing is what he wanted me to take lowers heart rate considerably. As a runner, my resting HR already sits around 50 bpm and if it were to be lowered further that could be actually a bit dangerous. When I spoke up the doctor realized his mistake and agreed. This puts me back at the realization that so many people would have just done what the doctor said without question. Being educated about my disease and advocating for myself has proven to be such a vital thing.

I came home after that, on Tuesday, and called my cardiologist, Dr. J.’s office. His assistant spoke to him about my refusal to take the Brilinta, my return to the other blood thinner, as well as the results of my Cardiolite Exercise Test. Yesterday morning when I was having tea with a dear friend I got that call that he felt going off the Brilinta was a wise choice. She also relayed that I had done very well on the treadmill, my heart is stable and I can resume running, cycling and most things at the gym in a few weeks. The only reason I can’t return immediately is that they did the angio on Monday via my femoral artery and I need a bit of time to heal. I can also resume weight training in late November or early December.

I have a few tidbits of running news.

I’ve signed up for the 5K distance at the Mercedes 10K race in Oakville on April 24, 2016. My husband Bryan will be running the 10K and it we will so some of our weekday runs together.

The other bit of running news is wonderful and it involves another Spring race… but I can’t share the details just yet. As soon as I am able to make things public I’ll post my news. What I can say is that a tremendous and exciting opportunity to make a difference has sprung out of the heart health hurdles I’ve had to jump these past months. I’m going to take this wee bit of down time to make a realistic training plan with the mind and there may be some shoe shopping… oh and my running playlist could use an update.

It’s all part of moving forward with strength, courage, and strong spirit… i mua.