A friend passed on a wise quote to me this morning… “Don’t judge ME unless you are PERFECT!”
That sums up what has happened in the last 24 hours. You see, I have an acquaintance who is currently morbidly obese. He’s in a dangerous situation with his weight and has a family and five children to consider. He can barely walk because of the pressure on his knees. It feels simply awful to be limited physically and emotionally by your own body. We’ve had many a discussion about how far I’ve come with weight loss. He always seemed supportive and my hope was to be mutually inspiring, after all I have been class III morbidly obese and I turned it around on my own. This fellow was once an athlete and he has remarked on many an occasion about how he misses that status. As a younger man he was a black belt in both aikido and karate as well as being an award-winning body builder. My acquaintance started seeing a personal trainer recently and I think that is absolutely wonderful and I said so. Then it went all wrong, to the point that I’d love to tell him to kiss my…
Here’s what happened between Paul and I.
Paul started spouting off that “without a trainer you just don’t get that 110% we all need” and was sure to point out that I am not doing what it takes publicly. He wouldn’t let up. Finally, fed up, I respectfully responded with why I think that a blanket statement like that isn’t necessarily true for everyone. It isn’t! There are many, many people who push themselves as hard as a trainer would. Me for instance, I’ve lost almost half my body weight and I’ve done it on my own, without a gym, without a trainer, but with a whole heap of determination. There are some people who desperately need the motivation and support a trainer can provide. I get that and I applaud people who take the step forward and use the resources out there. Sure, I’ve considered a trainer but I felt that I’ve been doing a very consistent job on my own. Don’t get me wrong, I think having a personal trainer is a great idea especially when it comes to proper form and preventing injury. I have the benefit of not needing one. I may, one day, consider a coach when I get into longer distance running because I see the value in that too. There will be times where I will likely need guidance to build my endurance and increase my distances and a coach would be a fabulous resource. I do plan on having help at some point for the long distance running. Right now the numbers on the scale, the look of my body, and the vast improvements in my fitness level paint a clear picture that I am pushing hard and that’s all I need.
During our conversation I mentioned to Paul that I am seriously considering running my first half marathon in May 2013, provided I am given the go-ahead by my cardiologist and endocrinologist. This was his response…
“Laurie, I don’t care if you come in first in May. You and everyone would do better with a little help from a trainer. To think you know more then everyone is crazy. You have only been working out for a very short time of your life maybe you should stop and think that other people may know something more then you. I hope you keep it up I know people that do it for, maybe 2 years some 5 some. I’ve been 25 years. Let’s talk after you have done it as long as I have. Then maybe we will see it you feel the same way about a trainer. I lost 100 lbs at 13 and then went on to get 4 black belts and 3 bodybuilding shows. Something 1% of people do. It’s not a stupid little run that lots of people do. So when you talk about pushing yourself 110% well, I’m sorry but it’s funny. After all that I would still say a trainer is a great thing to help even me, after all my years working out. My wife and I made a change to get back into it. We didn’t come to it from nothing like you are. She would run like crazy when she was in school 10 years ago. Yes I’m big, my back sucks, but I’m still the same guy with over 25 years of living the life. You are not. You never will be. Remember that.”
Excuse me? Did I say I knew it all? Did I say that I felt I knew more than everyone? Of course, I know a lot about diabetes. I live with this disease every day and I’ve proven, by reversing it, that I really have my head wrapped around how my body works. Sure I’ve only been at this fit way of living a short while but I’m working very hard at it. Before the running I backpacked and hiked and paddled. Oh, and since when is a half marathon (21.1 km) “a stupid little run” and even if it is to some people, why be demeaning about my athletic aspirations? I don’t deserve to be treated like that. I am doing something and embracing my inner athlete. Sure I haven’t had the experience that this man has had and I don’t deny that back in the day he was probably a force to be reckoned with. I don’t argue that he is probably quite knowledgeable. I never was. I was obese from early childhood. That’s my past and my present is much different. I think it’s unfortunate that Paul went from being an athlete to a person harboring negativity towards me as he struggles with obesity issues. I’ve been obese and it’s not an easy life. Paul goes on about “over 25 years of living the life”. He stopped having an athletic life a long time ago. I’m not judging, because things happen in our lives, but I don’t think Paul has the right to tell me that I am not “living the life” as he so pompously put it when his lifestyle has been so dramatically unhealthy.
I live as clean as I can every day. I watch what I eat, I balance my blood sugars to the point of not needing medications for this disease, I exercise, and I push myself to do better and go further with every workout. I may not be a black belt or winning awards but I am doing something that keeps me fit and that I enjoy doing. I don’t think awards won well over a decade ago, spending money on fad diets or a personal trainer have anything to do with whether or not one is giving 110%. What matters is the here and now—what I am doing today. I’ve worked very hard to reach the point where I am merely overweight rather than obese and I am proud of that and what I continue to do. It wasn’t easy going from having a BMI of over 50 to having one below 29 and being so very close to what is medically considered “normal” weighted. I am very happy with my progress, motivated, determined, and I love doing all of this with my family. It’s fun—it’s our family lifestyle and not about awards or black belts or other accolades. I’m not out to have my ego stroked—this is about being healthy so I can live a longer life. Anyway, my biggest award is how I feel and how active I’ve become. It’s about the personal best and not about competition with others. It’s about having fun and enjoying life while being fit.
I work out several times a week. I trained for a 5K race and I ran it. I trained for a hill relay and I did twice as much as I expected to be able to do (8.4K). It wasn’t easy nor were those harrowing hills “a stupid little run”. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done to date. I exceeded my own tough standards at both events and now I’m working towards a 10K and eventually a half marathon. Who knows? Maybe one day I’ll run a full marathon or an ultra. I’ve toned my body and continue to do so. I’ve pushed myself and increased my intensity and distance. I did it safely to avoid injury or damage to my health. I’ve cross-trained. Three weeks ago I bought a new bike. I already have well over 200 km on it. We hike and canoe, although not nearly as much as I would like. We are also starting to plan bike-packing trips for when baby girl is old enough. My running pace is improving, as are my strength and endurance. Some day I may even attempt a triathlon or an adventure race. I am more fit, especially from a cardiovascular standpoint, than I’ve been in my entire life. Most of all, I live a very healthy lifestyle with my friends and family.
So what gives Paul the right to judge me just because I don’t feel that I would benefit from a personal trainer at this point in the game? I certainly don’t need one for motivation. I have plenty of motivation right here. It comes from my children. It comes from a very supportive husband and friends who do many of these activities with me. It comes from being diabetic and not wanting to end up back on injections or worse, blind. It comes from knowing that my brother died at age 56 because he didn’t take care of his body. It comes from knowing that heart disease has hit many in my family prematurely. It comes from the want to be as vibrant and alive as I can be and not just a spectator in life. I sure didn’t reverse diabetes by eating junk. I eat healthy and clean for the most part. I rarely drink alcohol. I don’t drink juice or soft drinks. And with all of that I’ve done what some said was impossible. A good lifestyle starts in the kitchen and if you aren’t doing what’s right there, it will show whether you have a trainer or not.
The bottom line is… I’m doing what works for me. I’m motivated. I’m active. I’m losing weight in a healthy way. My physicians are pleased ecstatic. I love my body. I feel really good. I’m proud. I’m ready to tackle my next milestone and conquer new challenges.
As for this man’s condescension—it is what it is. Does it change our friendship? Yes, it most certainly does and it is pretty cut and dry for me. I don’t keep negative people in my life, after all, I am not the jerk whisperer.
To the person who sent me the quote, thank you. It speaks volumes.
Like this:
Like Loading...
Read Full Post »