fixing my broken heart

breathe

It has been very quiet on my blog for a while and with good reason. Everything has changed for me and running is on hiatus for the time being.

In early February my training took me to 12K. I had a decent run on the weekend of February 8^th. I went out a little too fast for the 12K but I felt good. The next day I went snowshoeing with Carla. It was a gentle 5K or so through the woods. Later in the week I did one of my fastest speed work sessions. I felt strong and well. I was on top of my game. Then it all went to hell.

The next weekend I attempted another 12K and at the 2K mark I was having trouble. I was white as a sheet, I had a warmth on the back of my shoulders, and I felt like I was going to toss my cookies. My lungs felt like they couldn’t get air yet I wasn’t gasping. It was almost as if something heavy was sitting on my chest. Bryan pleaded with me to go home and I agreed. At first I thought I was getting the flu. I took some ASA and had a nap. I continued to do yoga as well as my little speed work and hill training sessions during the following weeks but every weekend when I attempted my long run the same thing would happen.

My first thoughts were a combination of anxiety and anaemia. I worked through those issues and then I thought that perhaps it was something environmental at the indoor track. It didn’t seem to be happening at home. Eventually it got to the point where any exertion was giving me the symptoms and I started to have a very dull ache in the jaw. I did the thing you should never do… consulted Dr. Google. After reading an article entitled Elite Marathoner Runs After a Heart Attack, I thought it prudent to get checked out. Of course, I am not an elite but her symptoms sounded a little like mine.

I immediately called my cardiologist’s office and went in for a stress test. I was pulled shortly after 6 minutes. I didn’t even get up to a run. I was devastated. A few days later I got that news that Dr. J. wanted to investigate further and that I was not to exert myself in any way whatsoever. I knew at that moment that my plans to run the Toronto Yonge Street 10K and every other Spring race I had planned were squashed. This included my half marathon and Sulphur Springs 25K. This time off from training meant I couldn’t get the distance in. My intuition since that aborted 12K in February was that something was seriously wrong and I was right.

A week ago, on the evening of March 23^rd, I was rushed to the emergency room. I had lifted my daughter Kaia up to comfort her after she fell. I was rocking her. At that moment I almost collapsed. When I got to triage at Brantford General Hospital I was taken in immediately. I was so frightened and worried that I would never see my children again. I had forgotten to kiss Kaia goodbye and Tobias looked so scared when I left the house. My jaw was hurting and the warmth on my shoulders and arm was incredible. Once again it was like someone snatched away all my air. I had never felt so awful.

Over the next 22 hours I was stabilized enough to be admitted to the cardiac floor. The good news was that I didn’t have a heart attack and we know this because my Troponin I level was not indicative of that. However, there is uncertainty about what happened the day I tried to run the 12K and had to stop and there really is no way to tell for sure.  After examining me and chatting the doctor suspected that I had a blockage so he ordered a series of tests, blood thinner injections, and other medications to reduce my symptoms. A few days later I was transported to Hamilton General Hospital to undergo further investigation. During the angiogram it was discovered that I had more than 70% blockage in a branch off the left circumflex artery. This little artery loops around and mine is apparently abnormally tiny and curvy. It was determined that I needed a Percutaneous Transluminal Coronary Angioplasty (PTCA) which they did on the spot via my right wrist. I had a significant allergic reaction to the dye which was a little unsettling but other than that the procedure went well. The doctor had to use two stents to get around the bend and deal with the full length of the blockage. I was transported back to Brantford and released on Friday.

What frightens me is what a close call this was.  Dr. T., who performed the procedure said that I likely had the beginnings of this blockage for a considerable time maybe even years and that it wouldn’t have been easily seen, if at all, on any of the other tests that were performed back when I requested to have my heart checked in 2012.  Dr. T. said it was even difficult for him to see and that he had to look at it from several angles to be sure. I shared with him how frustrated I was that all of this healthy lifestyle was for naught. I was in a really negative place and disappointed because I had worked so hard to prevent this. He reminded me that this lifestyle is what saved me from a major coronary event and possibly a very grim outcome. He is right, of course.

The other side of this is that running has helped me become in-tune with my body. I don’t think I would have realized there was anything wrong if I was sedentary. Plus running improved my cardiovascular health and has made me stronger so that I will recover more easily from this. Normally PTCA patients are put on a beta blocker but running has reduced my heart rate enough that I don’t need to take it. I will have to take a blood thinner for about a year though.  I also need to move… a lot. One would think that I would need bed rest after such a procedure but the opposite is true. I need to walk as much and as far as I can because the risk of blood clots is great. I managed to walk around about three hours after the PTCA was performed. I was exhausted and sore so I didn’t go much further than a dozen laps around the unit. On Friday I walked around the hospital and then yesterday I hit the treadmill. Yesterday was just under 1.5K. While it doesn’t seem like much, after close to a week in a hospital with what has transpired, it feels monumental. Today I’ve already done a 20-minute walk and I will do two more. I’m faster and can go further than I could yesterday. It’s a start.

There are risks for me as diabetic with heart issues when it comes to being physically active however there is greater risk if I just sit on my posterior.  Dr. T. agreed and said that he didn’t see any reason that I would not be able to return to running and cycling as long as I stay on the path I’ve been on the past few years when it comes to lifestyle choices. Each day I feel a little stronger and in a few weeks I will see my cardiologist, Dr. J. and, hopefully, I will be told what steps need to be taken so I can start running again.

Carrie Woodard, the elite from the article I mentioned earlier, deserves a great deal of credit. It’s not easy putting your story out there and in her doing so she helped me tremendously. Not only did it make me think twice about writing this off as fatigue or anxiety, her story gave me hope about being able to return to an active lifestyle. Maybe some day she will read this and know the difference she has made.

 

 

 

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setbacks, motivation & goals

The other day I was chatting with a friend and we were discussing what our goals are. We chatted about the races we’ve chosen for 2014 and what motivates us. She and I have been on somewhat parallel journeys so it was great to talk with someone who gets the struggles I deal with.  And… we talked about the setbacks we have both experienced lately. Our conversation made me sit back and take pause. That’s not always a bad thing and I feel that it is good to re-evaluate my goals from time to time so I don’t lose sight of the bigger picture—a healthy life.

Setbacks happen and it is very important that I don’t beat myself up about a few steps backwards. It happens to all of us at one time or another. On November 9th, 2013, as many of you know, I broke two of the toes on my left foot when I accidentally kicked a dumbbell that was sitting against the big oak desk in my office. This meant that running, and pretty much any other exercise that involved my toes, came to a screeching halt. This time off from running hit me like a ton of bricks and I took it really hard. It wasn’t just that I couldn’t exercise or that I was concerned about diabetes. You see, I use running as my way of thinking things through and dealing with the negatives in my life. 2013 started with the death of my Mom and the time off finally forced me to work through some of the grief. I gained a little weight and started to self-deprecate. I had worked so hard. I was within 15 lbs of my goal and then I lost momentum. How could I let this happen? I could make all sorts of excuses but the bottom line is that I just gave up caring about myself because I was wallowing. The good thing is that it was a short-lived hiccup and I am back on track.

My motivation for running hasn’t changed very much. It’s still about having fun while working on fitness and enjoying activities that we can do as a family. Running is my insulin and my way to keep ill effects of living with diabetes at bay. It’s also a social outlet for me which caught me somewhat by surprise. I have met so many wonderful runners who encourage and inspire. This is something I try to pay forward. Being a Digital Champion for the Toronto Yonge Street 10K is just one way I am doing that. Giving back in other ways is important to me as well and I love fundraising for a good cause.

I also thought about the commitment and drive to improve. I like to dream big and sometimes I will chose a distance and think that I’ve bitten off more than I can chew. That was certainly how it felt when I started training for my first half. During that time I discovered something… training isn’t a chore to me but rather something I embrace. I enjoy the process immensely—I love a long run on a Saturday morning and the way it makes me feel. It also makes me happy to see how I progress week after week and month after month. Being off with the broken toes reinforced how much I missed being in training for a long distance event. Every long run last winter and spring was a new milestone and on those runs I was able to gain clarity or perspective about things other than running. Accomplishing those goals gave me courage to make some wonderful changes in my life. My feelings about being a distance runner remain the same… I enjoy the process and it helps me grow as a runner and as a person. It’s a win win for me.

This year I plan to tackle the full marathon. It scares me because being diabetic adds some other challenges especially when it comes to things like fuelling, hypoglycaemia, and foot injuries. This adventure brings a good kind of fear too. It’s the kind of apprehension that gives me the butterflies but makes me feel really alive. This distance will be a huge challenge for me and the fact I am even going to try is very exciting. Training will be tough and time consuming but there is something about it that simply calls to me. I have an amazing circle of support and hold onto the belief that I can realize my dream of crossing the finish line after running 42.2K. I may not be speedy but I have spirit and I will cross a finish line in the footsteps of so many people that have inspired me to try.

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running: a family affair

This is my guest post as it appeared today on the Scotiabank Toronto Waterfront Marathon (Canada Running Series) blog.

TORONTO. January 11th 2014. Digital Champion Laurie Ann March works hard to balance her hectic life with her love of running. She will tell you that she treats being active as a priority and with good reason. Laurie changed her lifestyle drastically in order to successfully lose 180 lbs. Laurie’s family has joined her on her running journey and she believes that being active is a great way to spend quality time together. Connect with Laurie on Twitter @innerpossible.

Running: A Family Affair
By Laurie Ann March

family & friends

When I made the decision that I was going to train and run my first 5K race I expected that I’d be doing this on my own. My husband Bryan and I bought a treadmill in late 2011 so I could work towards becoming a runner. What happened surprised me. Bryan, who for years insisted that runners never smile and running fun did not belong in the same conversation, announced that he would run the race as well. I almost fell off the treadmill in shock. What happened to “over my dead body” or “when hell freezes over”? Our eleven year old son, Tobias, voiced that he wanted to run the race too and the next thing I knew we were a family of runners. The whole family was outfitted with good quality footwear and training began. As the weather improved we purchased a running stroller for Kaia, our eighteen month old little girl, and started running outside.

You are probably wondering about the stroller—it has been a wonderful thing and Kaia loves to ride in it. The key, as we quickly learned, is to make sure she had a few toys, a snack, and something to drink. Making sure she is comfortably dressed for the conditions is important too. It is adorable to hear her cheering Bryan on. “Faster Daddy! Faster!” she often exclaims. After a run we take a detour to the park. This allows us some time to stretch while she has fun on the playground. One can’t put on running clothes in our house without her getting excited and she gets a little bit upset if one of us is merely going for a jaunt on the treadmill. Well, downright grumpy might be more accurate. If the weather is inclement we run at the indoor track and she loves that too. Bryan usually finishes a bit before I do so he releases Kaia from the stroller. She’s older now and runs just over one kilometre around the track. She loves it. She will be turning four in June so the stroller will be retired soon. When that time comes Bryan and I will have to take turns going on our runs or consider hiring a sitter. Of course, we’ll still take her out on her own little adventures.

There are many benefits to being a running family. It keeps us fit. It gets the kids outside and reduces their screen time. It creates an environment of support which spills over into other aspects of our lives. Running as a family is a wonderful way to combine training with spending time together. Bryan, Tobias, and I run at different paces so we usually do our warm-up together and then go off on our separate runs, then meeting at the end. Tobias will run with me from time-to-time but if there is a race coming up and he needs to push his limits he goes with his Dad. Bryan travels extensively with his career so it is a perfect time for them to have those guy to guy chats.

my little runner

Last spring I trained for my first half marathon, Tobias wasn’t able to run as far as I was going so I set out on my own one Saturday morning. About 15K into my run I heard a familiar voice shout “Hi Mom” and there he was on his bicycle. He told me that he was amazed at how far I ran and that it took him awhile to catch up. Next thing I knew Bryan, who was recovering from a nasty chest cold, was there on his bike with Kaia in tow. This gave me just that little spark I needed to keep going. One summer day Bryan watched Kaia while Tobias and I hit the trails near our home. We decided to go without a pre-set plan and be spontaneously adventurous. There are some beautiful side trails that weave in and out along the Grand River so we would just turn at a whim and see where we end up. At one point we were forced to turn around because the brambles were so thick that it was becoming extremely difficult not to mention a little hard on the legs. We do this from time to time and those runs really bring out my inner child.

A favourite memory is from my first 10K event—a very hilly trail run that took place one night in October. I am diabetic and I had a serious blood sugar crash around the 5K mark. I almost walked off the course because I had taken too much time to deal with that and wasn’t feeling well at all. Emotionally this run was taking its toll. The water stations had been taken down and the paramedic was sweeping the course behind me but I was determined to finish even if I was dead last. Just then, Tobias ran up to me and said that we were going to cross the finish line together. He had received permission to get back on the course to run with me and had a medal around his neck. I knew there were no finishing medals for this race and he told me he won first place for his age group. I was so proud of him for doing his best and I would have been even if he hadn’t been given an award. He told me that he was proud of me too. I fought back the tears because I was extremely moved that he came out to run with me. It made my night and turned what was a rough experience for me into one I will always cherish. It was in that moment I realized how running has brought us closer as a family.

What we have discovered is that introducing the kids to running was much easier than I could have imagined. By making it a part of our lifestyle and keeping it fun, our children seem to have embraced running and it has truly become a family affair. So, whether you are a seasoned runner about to enter into parenthood or you are a new runner trying to figure out how to balance training with a busy family life, perhaps you can find some inspiration from our little running family.

Do you run as a family? How do you get your kids and partner to share in your love of running?

Connect with the Toronto Yonge Street 10K Digital Champions team here!

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how my immunity got a big boost

Back in November 2011, when I plugged my dreadmill into the power, I didn’t have a clue what it was going to do to change my life. Of course, you already know about the confidence and self-esteem boost that becoming a runner has brought me. I’ve told you how running has helped me increase muscle and take inches off my body. I’ve shared stories about my races and how some have left me feeling empowered and others taught me humility. I’ve even told you how exercise is my replacement for diabetes medications. However, there is another side-effect that has been something I appreciate and that is the immunity boost living an active lifestyle has brought me.

When I wasn’t fit or active I was the perfect host for every cold or flu going around. I swear I had a note pasted on my forehead that said “illness welcome here” and being diabetic without knowing it certainly didn’t help. I dreaded winter because I would be plagued with illness after illness. Sometimes these would manifest as bronchitis and I’d be down and out for a good six weeks or more. Now, I force myself to run, cycle, or walk during the illness rather than lie down on the couch with my tissues in one hand and the remote control in the other. I haven’t had a bronchial infection in more than three years. The few colds I have had were nominal, lasting mere days rather than weeks on end.

I wondered why running and other exercise boosts our immune system. The other day I learned a little more about this from Dr. Greg Wells’ latest video for The Running Room.

 

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the taper—reflections

Tapering is runner-speak for a gradual reduction in running distance and intensity for a short period before an event. That’s what I am doing right now. I have a ton of things on the go including the cookbook so the extra time is productive. I’ve also got a big old case of pre-race jitters.

You see, I’ve come a long way to get to this point. I’ve battled being morbidly obese and I’ve struggled with diabetes and heart issues.  During my training my Mom passed away, and the kids got sick, and life happened. Losing Mom, hit me hard and there were days I didn’t want to train, but I picked myself up and did it anyway. Sometimes the tears would stream down my face.

I’ve managed to continue training even with many time obstacles facing me, one being the wife of a guy who travels a lot. I did miss a few workouts and I managed to stay pretty much injury free. I did have some calf pain due to low sodium levels or a footwear issue. My husband, Bryan, and I worked together and with the support of some really awesome friends, I was able to complete my training and I have two small taper runs left followed by some carb loading. Then that will be concluded with a couple days of rest before the big event on Sunday morning.

Am I scared? Hell yes! I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t.

but…

My coach has faith in me. My friends, many who have run these kinds of distances and have followed my training, believe in me. I’ve run a single distance of over 19.5K in training and had a few runs at 17.5 K. I’ve done hill repeats and speed work. I’ve paid attention to nutrition and learned what works for me on these long distance runs.

I’ve booked a hotel, started packing my gear and making a list of things to remember, arranged to have my race kit picked up, chosen my shoes, had a pep talk from my coach, and arranged for the grandparents to babysit. Another friend, Carla, has offered to run alongside me to make it more enjoyable.

and…

As nervous as I am… I believe in myself. I’m looking at this run as fun and I will finish upright and smiling. I may not be fast but I am determined!

One last thing…

Believe – Suzie McNeil

“It’s like I’m falling through my own fears
They used to haunt me but now they’re not here
There’s no looking back
My future is clear
No giving up and I’m holding on when it gets rough
‘Cause you can get through most anything

If you just believe you can move mountains with dreams
The higher you climb the better it gets
‘Cause you will see things you’ll never forget if you just believe”

B(e) positive.

PS I’ll post a full race report sometime next week!

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just a little 5K race

sleeping at the finish

It amazes me just how much has changed since I ran the 5K Ford Race to End Diabetes a year ago. It was my first race and I recall how daunting the distance seemed. Now, 5K is simply a fitness run for me. That said, I still like to support the JDRF and my coach agreed that we could work this one into my schedule even though my first half marathon would be the following weekend, after all, it was just a 5K race.  I never thought I’d look at 5K this way, that is for sure.

What a bright sunshiny day for reuniting with friends and meeting new ones. Mandi, Carla, Fred, Bryan, Tobias, Kaia, and I all met before the race. I also connected with a sweet lady named Mari that I had been in contact with through dailymile.com.  Mandi and I ran together which was nice and reminded me of the year before.  Carla ran with Fred because it was his first race. Bryan pushed Kaia in the stroller.

The results…

Mari placed 1st in her age categorie. Congrats!

after the race

Bryan finished with a time of 27:05 and was in 121st place overall.

Tobias, finished with a time of 29:40 and was 168th place overall. Not bad considering he was having issues with allergies and could barely breathe.

And me…

My final time was 39:19. That’s almost 5 minutes off of last years finish of 44:13.

I placed 254 out 325. I was 15 out of 18 in my age group. In 2012 I was dead last in my age category.

And… I forgot to hug the volunteer this year! Last year I was so excited to cross my first finish line that I hugged the lady that was trying to remove the timing chip.

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make time… not excuses

I am a die-hard fan of a show called The Biggest Loser and last week Dr. H. at The BL Ranch said something that I thought was right on the mark. When the contestant said they didn’t have time for healthy eating and exercise, he said… “If I told you, you were dying of lymphoma, would you take two hours out of a day for chemotherapy?”

Harsh? Most definitely. True? Absolutely! It certainly made me step back and take notice. He had summed up, in one sentence, my philosophy on being active. It’s essential to our health and wellness. Not to mention, that obesity is a risk factor for developing many diseases, including cancer.*

Time is the number one excuse I hear from the people who say they want to make change and frankly that’s what it is… a mere excuse. I’m a Mom, business owner, and author working on my third manuscript. My husband travels extensively for his work so sometimes I’m like a single Mom. I don’t know how to drive so getting to and from a gym or the track takes me twice as long as the average person which is why I don’t have a gym membership. Yet, I find time to chase after a toddler, help my 11 year old with his homework, make homemade healthy meals, keep the house somewhat in order, and work the equivalent of a full-time job… all the while, training for a half marathon.

There are so many ways to sneak fitness into the daily routine and here are a few ideas.

• take the stairs rather than the elevator or escalator
• park at the end of the parking lot when you are shopping
• walk or ride your bike to work (you’ll help the environment too)
• make it a family affair (go for family bike rides or walks together)
• find an exercise buddy (having similar goals can help with motivation)
• make it fun (exercise doesn’t have to be boring)
• sign up for a charity walking or running event to keep you motivated
• watch your favorite show while on the treadmill or elliptical

I was the Queen of Excuses. Been there done that and somewhere in my closet there is a 5X t-shirt to prove it. Only I could stop the behaviour of telling myself why I couldn’t do something. I owe it to myself and those who care about me to be active. I find that I feel much better when I am being physically active. I sleep better and am more productive in other areas of my life. Not to mention, a little time now could prevent a lot of time spent dealing with serious health consequences later.

*Health Canada – Health Risks of Obesity

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and so it begins

feet in training

I never thought I’d ever be in a place where I’d be telling my readers that I am doing something of this magnitude, especially considering that it involves running. Yet, here I am sharing with you that I have decided to run a half marathon and scratch another milestone off my list.

Can I do this?

Mentally… yes, I can do anything with passion and determination! Plus, I have some terrific and supportive people in my life to help me when I have those moments where I forget how strong I am.

Physically… The most I’ve run, to-date, in a single run is close to 8 km and the biggest distance in a day was 8.4 km of steep hills at the TREAD relay but this consisted of two laps with a break in-between. I have a long road ahead, literally. I’ll need to train and train hard. I’m healthier than I’ve ever been and I have the go-ahead from a medical standpoint. I’ll need to wrap my head around dealing with blood glucose fluctuations given that I am unable to carb-load prior to a long distance run like many other athletes do.

Am I scared?

Most definitely! Someone once said, “If your dreams don’t scare you, they aren’t big enough.” To say that this one is big enough that it has me a wee bit freaked out would be an understatement. Thankfully my want to run this half-marathon is more powerful than my fears. Honestly, I’m going to have to put on my big-girl running shorts and get over it.

Will I do this?

Try and stop me. I dare you. I am determined to run my first half and it will take everything I have in order to balance family, work, and training. I’m making the commitment and anyone that knows me understands how determined I am when I have a goal on the horizon. Luckily, I have my darling husband who told me this morning that he will happily pick up the slack at home so I can train and not feel guilty about it. My cardiologist has given me the all-clear as has my family doctor. There are no excuses.

When will I do this?

I’m working towards the Mississauga Half-Marathon in May 2013. I’m hoping that will give me adequate time to train and learn more about how my body will react on longer runs under a variety of conditions.

Oh man…

I’m going to need a longer playlist!!!

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TREAD

After weeks of hill training and months of running I headed off to Mansfield, Ontario for the TREAD 6-Hour Trail Relay hosted by Chico Racing. I was part of an all female, 4-person team called the Sole Sisters. My husband, Bryan and my son, Tobias were on other 4-person teams. In all we had 12 runners. The plan was to head up Friday and camp for the weekend. Some of the others would meet us on Saturday and we’d see the rest the morning of our race. And, once again it was hot and sunny (something that never happens when my husband is anywhere in the vicinity of a tent).

Saturday was the big mountain bike relay. Bryan and some of the others went down to the start/finish line to cheer people on. He ran into his cousin Les who we hadn’t seen in years. Les is a die-hard mountain bike racing enthusiast. He’s hardcore and on a sponsored team. He asked Bryan if he was here to ride and Bryan explained that we were running the relay the next day. From what Bryan said, Les looked a little puzzled. It makes sense that he would be wondering because the last time we saw each other I was over 300 pounds. To think of that version of me running 4.2 km loops of steep hills and wicked descents must have been something. Later on I ran into Les and got a big hug with loads of words to encourage me. You see I was a little nervous, although I would never have admitted that to any of my teammates and Les alleviated much of that. Well, that was until he told me that the course was a nightmare on a bike and he couldn’t imagine running it. Thanks Les!

The day was a fun one. There was an energy at the event that was so amazing—people were friendly and the vibe was awesome. I chased Kaia quite a bit. She loved kicking a soccer ball and would say “kick, kick” as she ran up to it with her little foot at the ready. There is nothing like a busy toddler on a campsite to keep you moving and to make you forget that you are worried about something. I enjoyed delicious iced coffees made by our friend Kristin.  Ken, Kristin’s husband, was on one of the bike teams and they placed 2nd in their category!! This all put me in a really good frame of mind for the run. At least I was in good spirits until we decided to walk part of the course after dinner. Panic set in and it didn’t help that one of the people had been really negative about me being on our team from the get-go. On the way back down the first hill, I was biting back tears while I chatted with Tobias. I sucked it up, got it together and went back to camp. I kept telling myself I could do it and I started being more positive. I had committed to one lap and I could handle that. I was determined that I would not let the ladies in my team down.

Then my worst nightmare happened. I was on the way to the porta-potty when I stepped off the embankment and twisted my right ankle. I didn’t go down completely. I was devastated. I didn’t let on that it was bothering me but by 4 am I was up walking around to make sure it would be okay. The pain of it throbbing had kept me up most of the night. In the morning I let everyone know I was having issues and said that I would do my lap even if I had to walk it. I was not going to be the person who caused our team to be disqualified. However, as I walked on it and got ready for the race, the pain seemed to subside substantially. Whew!

rounding the corner

Our captain ran first and it was a fast lap. Then each lady ran and in turn handed the chip over to the next. Finally it was my time. I grabbed the chip, felt the butterflies in my stomach, gulped, and ran out of the staging area to start up the first hill. I felt strong. The ankle was good. The temperature was perfect as I headed off into the woods. The hills were insane—much more steep than the ones I trained on and the soil was very sandy. The bikes had really chewed it up the day before so there were some soft spots. I did my usual intervals and ran down all the hills but one. There was a very steep and sandy descent that had me at a crawl. During the last kilometer I saw a lady walking. I needed to walk for a minute so I chatted with her. Her sister worked there and had signed her up for the race. She wasn’t really into it. I told her that we were almost there and offered to run with her. So we ran at a good pace together until I could see the finish and then I poured on the steam for the last little bit. I swiped the chip and handed it over to Jenny. My goal was to run one lap in under 50 minutes. My time was 44:03!! I was so proud.

I headed back to camp so that I could check my blood glucose and have a snack. My reading was 3.0 mmol/L (54 mg/dL) so I had some chocolate milk. I also had half a banana-walnut muffin that I shared with Kaia. I drank a little water. Then I shared a bagel with my baby girl. I also had some energy bites. An hour passed and I checked my blood. 9.6 mmol/L (172.8 mg/dL). Crap!! I had over-corrected. It was coming up to my lap so I asked our team captain, if we could trade spots.

I felt horrible about it because it didn’t give our team captain as much recovery time but I also wanted to do a second lap for my team and for myself. It all worked out and by the time the half hour had passed and I was ready to start my lap, my blood glucose was in a better range. In hindsight, I might have been okay to run with the 9.6 mmol/L reading but I was worried that it would go higher as I ran and that scared me.  As I was waiting for Jenny, I realized I had forgotten to grab my MP3 player. Major crisis! I asked one of the ladies to run and grab it because I didn’t want to miss my lap. That would have cost us time. Anyway, she came back empty-handed. The horror! As it turns out I didn’t need it. There was a live bongo band in the woods just around the 1.5 km mark. I tried to convince them to run with me as they played. They didn’t go for it. There was music blasting at each of the eLoad stations too. My blood sugar crashed part way through the second lap and that slowed me down a bit. I should have had a Clif Shot Blok or two while I was running. Despite that, I still came in with a time under 50 minutes even though my energy was zapped. My official time was 48:51 for the second lap. Even better, the ankle didn’t hold me back at all. It was a wee bit sore during the last lap but nothing that I couldn’t handle.

The Sole Sisters, placed 4th in our category with 11 laps. While we didn’t make it to the podium we were still winners. That was not an easy course and we took it on like the badass runners we are!

my little runner

Bryan’s team placed 4th in the all-male category and Tobias’ placed 7th in the mixed team category.  Bryan and Tobias were amazing—everyone was. Bryan’s laps were all sub-30 as were Tobias’ laps. Tobias even had a lap that was 25:14. Tobias did an awesome job.

I was really proud of my little boy but not because of his lap times or his want to run a 4th lap. A lady named Ann came up to me after the race and told me how Tobias had encouraged her on the run. He came up to her when she was having a bit of a tough time and he ran with her. He asked her if she wanted to race to the finish together. I’m so pleased to know that he exhibited such great sportsmanship.

Earlier I mentioned the vibe of the event. One thing I have to say is a thank you to all the runners who encouraged me out there on the trail. People would say things like “you’re doing great!” as I ran. I’m a slow runner so they were passing me but those words gave me the courage and strength to keep my pace up. It also warmed my heart. I felt part of a community. We were all here to have fun and raise money for a great organization. Yes it was a competition but there was a camaraderie there that just simply amazed me. It was also a family-friendly atmosphere with biking and running races for the kids, a storyteller, and live music. It was much different than the other race I had ran the month before.

I still can’t believe I did two laps and I have to pinch myself every once in awhile. At the end of November I could barely run eight 1-minute intervals out of a 30 minute workout. I can now run two 4.2 km loops of difficult ascents and descents where there are roots and divots and spots where the soil wants to slide out from under your feet.  If you had asked me a month before, or even the day before, I would have told you it was impossible… that I couldn’t do it. But I did do it and it was another personal best as far as the distance run in a day goes. I had run 8.4 km that afternoon… up hills even! I was so happy and felt on top of the world!

This was a wickedly fun, challenging and amazing experience. I can’t wait until next year!!!

Now if only I can get the rest of the sand out of my shoes.

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to my children

playing in the sand

I post this today because it is an important reflection of how I feel about the things I do when it comes to being diabetic. As you may or may not know, I’ve come far and I have reversed the need for insulin and oral medications to control my blood glucose. Recently, someone made a snide remark about how often I test and how much the time I spend on diabetes is taking away from my children. Her remark angered me. I found it narrow-minded and completely off-base.

This letter to my children is my response to the lady’s very insular comments.

To my darlings… Tobias and Kaia,

I want you to know that you are much wanted and loved beyond words. I try to show you this every day but sometimes it may not seem like it.

Those times when Mommy is taking a blood glucose reading or going to an appointment or running on the treadmill may make it seem like I am too busy for you. It may seem selfish. It’s not. I do these things because of my love for you both.

You are the most important people in my world and taking great care of my diabetes is something I do for you as well as for myself. I want to be here to see you grow up by being as vibrant and alive as I can be. I don’t want to lose any more eyesight than I already have. I want to be able to run and play with you and have fun. I don’t want to lose my quality of life or my mobility. I also want you to learn the importance of being active, eating healthy and doing it as a family. I want to make sure that you never get this disease but that if you do, you’ll know you can handle it—diabetes does not have to hold you back.

So when I have to tell you that I’ll look at something a little later because I am poking my finger, remember that it is important and that I do it out of love for you. Know that running and other exercise is my medicine. Giving up this little bit of time now means we will have more time together overall. It means that I will be here when you need me.

Your smiles and hugs and kisses give me strength. They illuminate my heart like a thousand fireflies lighting up the night. Your love reminds me why I stay the course, no matter how difficult it can be. 

I love you.

Mommy

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