this moment

. . .

“This moment” is my weekly Friday morning post (as long as I actually remember to do it).

It is merely a single photo without a caption and that reflects a moment from the seven days before—a special moment that I want to cherish.

B(e) Positive!

this moment

.  .  .

This morning I find myself inspired by my friend Kathryn, author of the blog Predojevic 1, 2, 3 & 4.

“This moment” will be my new Friday morning post (as long as I actually remember to do it). It will be a single photo without a caption and it will reflect a moment from the seven days before. It will be a moment that I want to cherish.

I hope that maybe you’ll want to do the same on your blog. If you do, please post the link to your moment in the comments section.

to my children

playing in the sand

I post this today because it is an important reflection of how I feel about the things I do when it comes to being diabetic. As you may or may not know, I’ve come far and I have reversed the need for insulin and oral medications to control my blood glucose. Recently, someone made a snide remark about how often I test and how much the time I spend on diabetes is taking away from my children. Her remark angered me. I found it narrow-minded and completely off-base.

This letter to my children is my response to the lady’s very insular comments.

To my darlings… Tobias and Kaia,

I want you to know that you are much wanted and loved beyond words. I try to show you this every day but sometimes it may not seem like it.

Those times when Mommy is taking a blood glucose reading or going to an appointment or running on the treadmill may make it seem like I am too busy for you. It may seem selfish. It’s not. I do these things because of my love for you both.

You are the most important people in my world and taking great care of my diabetes is something I do for you as well as for myself. I want to be here to see you grow up by being as vibrant and alive as I can be. I don’t want to lose any more eyesight than I already have. I want to be able to run and play with you and have fun. I don’t want to lose my quality of life or my mobility. I also want you to learn the importance of being active, eating healthy and doing it as a family. I want to make sure that you never get this disease but that if you do, you’ll know you can handle it—diabetes does not have to hold you back.

So when I have to tell you that I’ll look at something a little later because I am poking my finger, remember that it is important and that I do it out of love for you. Know that running and other exercise is my medicine. Giving up this little bit of time now means we will have more time together overall. It means that I will be here when you need me.

Your smiles and hugs and kisses give me strength. They illuminate my heart like a thousand fireflies lighting up the night. Your love reminds me why I stay the course, no matter how difficult it can be. 

I love you.

Mommy

wednesday & another milestone conquered

I woke up this morning with a full-fledged cold. I’m whiney and I want my Mom and a hot cup of tea and a good book and a nap. As the Rolling Stones sing, “You can’t always get what you want…” I’m a Mom, first and foremost. We all know that, as a Mom, my responsibilities just can’t be shelved for a day while I wallow about feeling unwell. I have to do what needs done for the children.

This lifestyle journey of mine is another way that I do everything I can for my children. Being healthy, active, and happy is akin to when I put my little ones before being a sucky baby with a cold. There are times when I don’t want to workout but while I may not feel up to it but I have to commit to it for my children and for myself. To give it my best effort sets a shining example for Tobias and Kaia. It lengthens my life and makes me happy. Being happy means I can give more to them emotionally too.

Speaking of lifestyle, health, and happiness, I figured I’d step on the scale this morning to see where I am at. I know, I know, I said I was going to avoid the scale but I could not resist. Remember? I am obsessed. I’ve felt my body changing and that was most evident when I bought the dress last Saturday. It wasn’t just about the size on the tag, which actually was a bit of a pleasant shock to me, but it was how it looked on me and how it made me feel on Monday when I put it on to show my girl friend. I decided that perhaps I should just take a little peek at my weight and I even justified it with wanting to update my weight in DailyMile so that value for calories burned in each workout has some accuracy.

The result? You expected a number didn’t you? Let’s just put it this way… I am at the smallest I’ve been, from a height-weight perspective, since just before my 14th birthday. That’s a mere 29 years ago. I am proud but more importantly, I am happy about the message that leading a healthy lifestyle is sending to my children.

And… I have 27 pounds to go before I am no longer considered overweight by medical standards. Of course, that number is a BMI calculation and muscle vs. fat ratio will play a definite role in the final outcome but it gives me an idea of how little I have left to lose. I couldn’t be more proud of myself. I have come from being in the category of Class III obesity with a BMI of around 53 to being in the overweight category with a BMI of 27.2.

One word comes to mind… Awesomeness!

(is that even a word? lol… oh well, it is now)

playlist adventures

I have a playlist that I currently enjoy running to. I have it perfectly timed so I know when to do my intervals. Every song has a reason for being there or an inspiration behind it. Take Soul Sister for example, that’s our team name for the Chico TREAD 6-hour relay in Mansfield this May. This is Our Fight by The Ten Daze is there because of the words and because professional trainer, Dolvett Quince of Biggest Loser fame, overcame his fears and surfed for the first time. This was the background song for the final cut.

For the walking/warm-up portion I currently listen to…

Fix You by Coldplay

Now I run in a series of 10s and 1s for 5K. The rest of my song list (in order) consists of…

Invincible by Hedley
I Like to Move It (Racoon Remix) from Madagascar by Erick “More” Morillo
Who Let the Dogs Out by Baha Men
Waka Waka (This Time for Africa) by Shakira
Haven’t Had Enough by Marianas Trench
Hey Soul Sister by Train
This is Our Fight by The Ten Daze
Popcorn by Crazy Frog
Sunday Morning by No Doubt
All to Myself by Marianas Trench
Smooth by Ashantis
All Summer Long by Kid Rock

Then when I am cooling down, I listen to…

One Life by Hedley

But I have a problem. You see, at home I get all goofy and sing while I run. At the end of I Like to Move It the artist says “You think this is never going to end, but it is. 3 – 2 – 1. Not bad, eh?” and I answer. When Waka Waka comes on I even do the odd hand motion from the music video. Not great running form but I just can’t help myself. Music makes me want to dance. I raise my hands and cheer when I am finished the run and start my cool down.

That doesn’t seem problematic to you? Well… I look and sound completely ridiculous. I often run at home so it’s not a big deal if I sing while I run, but in public…

On Sunday I was running 5K on the track at the Wayne Gretzky Sports Centre here in the city. I was with my husband, the kids and three very supportive friends and the track was fairly really busy—there was a hockey tournament on as well. That meant loads of people within earshot and if you have ever heard me sing, you have my sympathies plus I owe you a pair of ear plugs. Now you understand why I had to really stop myself from doing this on the track lest I embarrass myself… or my companions. It wasn’t just once or twice either. I found that I was catching myself on the verge of an off-tune bellow each time I did a lap. Then I saw the proud Dad taking video of his son’s hockey game. Could you imagine having my voice in the audio track for the few moments that I ran by? Too funny. At least I maintained control while my friends and family were spared from my horrible attempts at singing… this time. I can’t guarantee that it won’t happen at some point though…. lol.

going shopping… part two

Did I mention that I dislike shopping? Nothing has changed. I decided, rather than realize my worst nightmare by braving the mall, to head to a local ladies store that specializes in plus-sized clothing.

When I walked in I grabbed a few dresses off the rack and was heading towards the change room when a kind and very bubbly staff member intercepted me. She said she’d take the items back for me so I didn’t have to carry them while I looked around. Then, after taking a quick glance at my shape, told me that they were much too large for me. The nice lady went and fetched more appropriate sizes and whisked them off to the dressing rooms. Upon her return, she spoke to me about what kind of dress I was looking for.

She showed me a trendier dress with an off-white and gray to black pattern that reminded me a little bit of the tie-dying I did as teenager, without all the wild colors. In the centre of the chest was a black section of fabric in a diamond shape; embellished with sequins reminiscent of gemstones. I liked the fabric but I wasn’t sure about the gathering that leads to the decoration… right between my breasts. My girls are big enough without drawing attention there. I don’t know if it was the way I looked at the dress with horror or the pallor of my skin that tipped her off but she said, “Trust me; this will look perfect on you.”

I won’t even get into a discussion about how I feel when the words “trust me” are uttered. I was positive that this was not the dress for me. I reluctantly headed into the dressing room where I now had ten frocks to try on. “Let’s get this over with” I thought with a grimace. I started with my favorite; well at least it was my favorite on the mannequin in the store—a purple dress with ruching and three-quarter length sleeves. Sigh. This was definitely not the dress for me. It clung in all the wrong places. Next was one with a white background, an intricate black pattern, and a red block along the bottom section. I put it on and it made me look old. Not that I am a spring chicken but it was a bit matronly.

My frustration levels were rising when the oh-so-cheery clerk came back to see if I needed any help. She asked if I had tried on the dress that she thought was the one for me. I politely said “no” as I really didn’t have any intention of trying it on. Next, I put on the tummy-tuck dress that is apparently supposed to make you look an inch smaller. I loved this one on the website, not so much in person. I don’t have enough of a derriere to make the skirt hang right. Compression in running pants is a good thing, in a plus-sized dress, not flattering at all. This was followed by several other dresses. Too big. Too clingy. Too shiny. Too long. Too expensive. Too short. I was out of dresses, except for one.

By this time I was feeling pretty dejected about the whole experience. Screw it! I decided to try on the dress that the sales clerk had been trying to talk me into. Fabric feels nice. This makes my silhouette look good. It hangs right. It didn’t make my breasts look any bigger, however, it didn’t make them look any smaller either. The length was perfect. The neckline was good.  Hmmm. The oh-so-cheery store clerk was right… this dress looked awesome on me and check out my legs!

I bought the garment and then proceeded across the parking lot to the shoe store. Luck would have it that I found a great pair of shoes to go with the new dress. A low heeled pair of open-toed, sling backs that would look amazing with the dress. They fit nice and were comfortable and they were even on sale. I paid for them and sent Bryan a text to come pick me up with coffee from Tim Hortons to soothe me.

So I did it. I bought a dress and it isn’t even a solid colour. I bought shoes with a heel… and I made it through the ordeal relatively unscathed. Bryan thinks it makes me look “sexy”, so that’s a plus. My next adventure… maybe hair and make-up or maybe I’ll go hiking instead.

going shopping… part one

me... in a dress

As I went through my closet and dresser this morning I came to the realization that I don’t ever dress up or at least not very often. I tried to rack my brain and think of the last time I dressed up for anything. June 4, 2010. Almost 2 years have past and Kaia is practically 22-months old. Shocking, isn’t it? I was 38 weeks pregnant and had a sudden craving for Steak Oscar so I made Bryan take me to The Keg and I, for some reason, decided to wear a dress. When we arrived home he took a photo of me which is actually one of the few photos I really like of myself.

That sleeveless dress and shrug still hang in my closet. I figured that they’d still fit, after all I didn’t gain very much weight when I was pregnant. The reality of it is, I need to donate the set to charity, it hangs off of me. Grrr… that means I need to go to the mall! Why me?

I hate dress shopping or any shopping for that matter, but it is a necessary evil. I have events coming up that require me to embrace my feminine side and not in cute running clothes with pink accents. I considered putting it off until next weekend, but the stores are closed for Good Friday, Saturday is Tobias’ 11th birthday gathering, and the stores are closed Sunday. Monday, Bryan leaves for Quebec and will be gone until late Friday. So, today and tomorrow are the only opportunities because I don’t want to be dealing with a toddler in the change room.

I usually shop for clothing at MEC, The Running Room, or REI. Nine times out of ten I do it online. My style yo-yos between camp mate and running girl. At home you’ll catch me in jeans and t-shirts. I have about 15 different colors in the same style of t-shirt. All of my jeans are black or some shade of charcoal. I have some cute skorts that I wear with… can you guess? T-shirts! Most of what I own is baggy except for my running garb. Even my hiking pants are several sizes too big now. My son refers to me as “The Baggy Pant Princess” from time-to-time.

So… with trepidation… off I go to find a dress or two. I probably need shoes as well.

I’ll report back later, if I make it through the ordeal.